Being married to Mr. Visionary

We are not your ordinary Christian Family...mainly because, I do not have an ordinary Christian Husband. He is a Visionary Man.

So, "What's a visionary man?" In Debi Pearl's book "Created to be His Helpmeet" I found the most helpful part of the book to be the chapter when she describes 3 types of men. I never liked putting labels on people and separating them into personality types. I still don't. I believe we are ALL created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27)) and we can all bring our Creator glory in our own unique way! But I have found that sometimes generalizations are a little helpful in building our relationships with others. I'll use the example of a generalization between the sexes. If we know men crave and need respect from others, we will find ways to show them respect and our relationships with our fathers, our husbands, and our adult sons will grow stronger because we took time to recognize, observe and apply this simple generalization.

So while your husband may not fall into just one of these "types" there may be one that is dominant in your husband's personality. Let me introduce you to them and maybe you can see your husband in one or more of these descriptions...

The Command Man

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

The Steady Man

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.

My Sweet Dad is a Steady Man. : )

The Visionary Man (Hold on tight cause he we go!)

Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but, in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking.

There's more than a page or two on the description of each "type of man" along with helpful advice on how to be a good helpmeet to your husband. Visit www.nogreaterjoy.org to read more or check out your local library to see if you can find yourself a copy. It was a helpful book to me early on in my marriage.

When I read about Mr Visionary, I laughed until I cried! I thought "how does Debi know?!?! Did she travel to Hawaii and spy on us before writing this book?"

Do we believe in Christmas?

Should we use state marriage licenses?

Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system?

All those questions and more have been a hot topic in our household more than once. He has been on the streets preaching, being that "voice in the wilderness". He usually has all kinds of experiments and projects going on all at once or one BIG project in which he puts all his energy into. Our closest friends and family have seen us through toilet sinks, building composting toilets, DIY dentistry, and experimental off grid living.

They have also seen and admired my husband for his incredible faith in very difficult times. They may remember a season when he quit his full time job as a pastor to do full time evangelism. I was 9 months pregnant with our second baby! We prayed and wouldn't let our needs be known to anyone, my husband was faithful, and we ALWAYS had enough! I remember when Mike would go out to evangelize he would come home and say "a tourist slipped this in my hand and said 'God bless you, keep doing what you're doing!'" and he would show me a hundred dollar bill. Checks being sent to our mailbox, groceries being dropped off at our door, the list goes on. That season had some tough times too. More of that in a later post.

Some may think being married to a visionary man would be less than ideal. Well, I couldn't have matched myself with a sweeter, more compassionate and thoughtful man. Throughout our nearly 13 years of marriage he has written me songs, built me furniture, delivered my babies, made me mother's day and birthday slideshows and videos. So while he is a risk taker and has very heavy convictions, he is also creative, inventive and very kind to his neighbor.

If you are married to a visionary man, I would like to let you in on what really blessed my marriage. Debi Pearl gives a lot of great advice on being the wife of a visionary man, and all the 3 types of men for that matter. But the one thing that my husband said made all the difference was receiving my support. There was no greater way for me to show him my love than by giving him my support. He said "the whole world could disagree with me, but it wouldn't matter as long as you supported me". This is how a visionary man feels respected. I would also caution you that if he feels you do not support his ideas (he may have many but you will be able to see which ones he values above all others) or if you scoff at him and make it out to be a big joke, continually doing this could potentially ruin your marriage. I'm quite sure this would hurt any marriage! Please don't follow or support him if he is asking you to sin against God. You should pray for him if this is the case. But if he has ideas that wouldn't harm anyone, why not just smile and show support. Better yet, if the Lord is speaking to you and you feel like your husband's idea is indeed spirit-led, you should be your husband's biggest cheerleader. He will fall in love with you more and more everytime he notices your support and he will also try to take note of things that make you happy and do them to show you his love.

So embrace your Visionary husband and Thank the Lord for the special vision he has put on his heart for your family. It will change from time to time, and your husband may become more practical as you age and have more children...but he will love you all the more and you will grow deeper together in the Lord in years to come.