How can I deal with my insecurities?

Insecure- adv. not confident or sure. Uncertain. Deficient in assurance: beset by fear and anxiety.

"For the Lord shall be thy confidence and shall keep our foot from being taken."--Proverbs 3:26

We all have an insecurity to deal with. If we are honest, we may have several insecurities attacking our self esteem on a daily basis. Whether we were teased about something during childhood or adulthood, or whether these insecurities were self-inflicted, they continue to plague us. When someone's insecurities are triggered, they may react defensively or they may try to point out someone else's flaws in order to distract from the spotlight on their own flaws. Have you ever talked to someone who snapped at a simple comment even when it wasn't intended as an insult? Have you ever seen a young woman dress so promiscuously and insist that it's because those partial outfits help her feel "comfortable" or "unique". Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who will endlessly brag and boast about how much money they make or how smart their kids are and then compare their lives to the "less fortunate". I will venture to say that even as born again believers, we may believe in Christ's death and resurrection and have repented of our sins, but this doesn't make all of our insecurities just disappear. The fact remains that we are still human beings with imperfections and past failures. Praise the Lord for His forgiveness and for calling us new creatures! Praise our Redeemer for making all things work together for good! I am here to say that it is not our Savior's intention for us to be chained to our insecurities, whether it be about how we look, how much money we make, how pretty our house is, or our lack of accomplishments. Think about it. God sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins. HE LOVES US DESPITE OUR PAST SINS! Romans 5:8 says while we were yet sinners Christ died for us! If God loves us so much, even despite our sins, would he be so concerned about how we look and how much money we make? If He is not concerned about these things then why should we let it turn our stomachs in anxiety?

It has taken me a while to be somewhat comfortable with my worst insecurities. In fact, I really don't think I am "free" from every single insecurity. I still have to face them head on and remind myself that they are not in charge of me, but that I can choose to not be enslaved by them. Here is how I am working through them, each day, one prayer at a time.

Here are 3 ways that I deal with my insecurities:

1. Recognize the insecurity

This first step will take some soul searching. It's likely that we don't normally "dig deep" and ask ourselves what we're so insecure about. It's hard to bring up, even in the secret thought life, but it will help us in the long-run. I have personally unearthed an insecurity during "one of them days". I was rushing to pick my husband up from work. I had my hair in a messy bun, my baby spit up on me right before I struggled to put her into her carseat, my brows were bushy and in need of a proper tweeze, and I just looked BLAH. When he got into the van and tried to kiss me, I gave him one of those push-away kisses and didn't talk to him the whole ride home. I thought to myself "He has NO IDEA what kind of afternoon I had! If only he knew he wouldn't judge me for looking so awful!" My attitude towards him was rooted in anxiety about how I looked. You see, growing up the daughter of a hairdresser, my mom always made sure I was nicely dressed and groomed. I definitely didn't feel insecure about the way I looked because my parents always reassured me. But since becoming a frazzled, harried mom, I've grown insecure about looking sloppy and just plain gross to others. I projected this on my poor husband and he had NO IDEA what was wrong. I internally started to blame him for not caring about my frazzled afternoon. When we got home, I took a shower and felt better. I realized WHERE my insecurity was coming from and I realized how silly it was. The truth is, my husband will love me no matter how frazzled I look! I know him! I am secure in his love for me. I re-evaluated that embarrassing encounter with him and thought, even upon looking at me with my messy hair and spit up on my shirt, he still wanted to kiss me. I was able to confess to him that what I did was rooted in my insecurity and I apologized for my actions. He was very gracious to forgive me and say exactly what I needed to hear, "You're beautiful, I love you." So, in this case, recognizing the insecurity helped me to step back and realize that it's not worth giving it a second thought. I do not judge other moms for the way they look, and I doubt anyone will judge me for the way I look. If they do, I'm at a point in my life where I'm okay with that.

2. Confess

Confess it to God. Have you ever needed to confess a sin to God and the process in getting there seemed so difficult? Yet, once you finally confessed it, you felt a sense of freedom? This is somewhat the case with your insecurities. SOMETIMES our sins tie in with our insecurities. Have you ever been around a group of women gossiping about girl "A" with the weight problem or girl "B" who is too skinny? Then, in the same conversation, they obsess over their own body image. Their insecurity=possibly body image. Their sin=slander. Or how about that man insecure about his economic status who will constantly complain about those on welfare or speak rudely about homeless people. He embellishes the truth by lying about his income and then brags about how he picked up a new TV or went on an exotic vacation because of he has the income to afford such a thing. His insecurity=finances. His sin=lying. By the way, these are fictional examples. I am not thinking of one specific person. But we've all experienced being in a conversation with one of these people who are plagued with such insecurity that they have to plague others with their disdain. This may play out differently, even more subtly, with other people. But God knows how we are doing on the inside. He is willing to listen to our cries and help us through the healing process. I can honestly say that praying and confessing it has been the biggest help for me. I feel so confident after I say it outloud and my insecurities don't seem as big when I hear myself say it. In fact, my insecurities sometimes sound a little silly to even be concerned about them! I remember that others go through the same thing that I do, and the Lord understands.

3. Talk to someone you trust

You know what helps? Be honest with someone you TRUST. The word trust is in bold and all caps because it is so important. I can't tell you how many times I've blabbed about my insecurity to the wrong person who I know wouldn't understand in the first place. I have blabbed to a coworker about how I'm concerned of my children being behind in their homeschooling. This person is NOT a homeschooler and was even in opposition to homeschooling. Erin, why on earth??? Or how about when I blabbed to an unmarried, childless relative about how hard it is to lose weight after giving birth. Hah! You can imagine the "advice" I got!

Pick a friend you trust. My husband is definitely my first candidate. Close sisters in Christ who can pray with me and have scripture to share are wonderful candiates. Tell them that you would like to share something serious with them and that this is a difficult thing to talk about. Then talk about it with them. I've had wonderful moments of reassurance during these conversations. My sisters in Christ remind me that God loves me and that He looks at the heart. They hug me and they share words of wisdom with me and point me back to Jesus. They help me walk away from the conversation actually feeling more confident in Christ in me. Many times, they can relate to my insecurities, which is another big blessing. These conversations can end so beautifully.

I have personally never really thought of how insecurity affects our relationships, specifically how it affects me. After praying for a while and asking God to change me, I'm starting to learn how insecurities can be toxic and cause us to hurt ourselves and those closest to us. Somehow, we should learn to deal with them, rather than allow them to be a snare to us. My prayer now is, Lord please help me to deal with my insecurities and not project them on other people. Just recently the Lord has been helping me overcome some insecurities by doing what I've explained above.

Praise the Lord that we are all able to go to the Him and eachother with our true feelings and strive to build a more secure and confident community of believers. Christians should be the most secure people on the planet. We should be able to walk in full confidence knowing that we have the Holy Spirit to overcome the issues we face. I am reminded of the words of Jesus in John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye shall have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." So friends, have peace that He has overcome the world and with His Holy Spirit, you can overcome any inner struggle you face.